more thoughts from the closet

Well, the sky did not fall, and my 'real identity' remains safe. LOL. Why did I worry so much? 'Cause that's who I am. I worry. I worry about everything, it seems. I even worry about worrying so much. I guess I have issues. Maybe I need some therapy.

But then again, perhaps it's this very angsty-ness of my nature that allows me to empathize with my characters so well. I get where they're coming from. All of them struggle with their insecurities on their way to finding love and lust with the right partner. All of them make mistakes and need forgiveness. All of them need a shoulder to cry on, and I offer mine. Sometimes I can work through my own life experiences by writing them through the eyes of one of my characters. It helps. I often find unexpected answers. Sometimes I can write a character who acts and reacts in a far more mature and confident manner than I ever could in real life. And I'm proud to find out I have that in me, somewhere.  There's a great satisfaction to being able to give a character the HEA ending she or he has earned through their struggles in a story. It makes me feel good. And it's cheaper than professional therapy.

So the Masked Smutwriter carries on, secure in the knowledge that she is providing a necessary service to her characters and for her readers: providing romantic smut that warms the heart and tingles the libido.

My latest story, Cheek to Cheek, has been released at Phaze. I hope you'll check it out.

peeking out of the closet

I must confess that I'm still in the closet. No, not in the way you think. I'm in the closet about being a writer of erotic fiction. Most people don't know the real face behind Paige Bennett and I've done that for several reasons: my poor elderly mother would have heart failure, I think; my entire professional life in my day job, required a squeaky clean image and that's hard to shake off; I'm still a little bashful at times that sweet l'il ol' me writes smut.  But my brother, who I trust and adore, knows.

Well, yesterday, after a couple of afternoon cocktails, he teasingly let the proverbial cat out of the bag...in front of our Mom! Thankfully, I don't think she heard clearly, but she did question the swift elbow in the ribs I gave my brother--who merely laughed at my red face. I fudged around about it, and got the subject changed, but ended up being grilled by his son-in-law later who would not let the subject rest. Sigh. So now he knows too.

And there it begins. My outing. Part of me is alarmed that if people in my "real" life find out, it will change their opinion of me. I shouldn't care about this so much, I know. If they love me, they love all of who I am, even the smutty parts...lol. But the fear is there, nonetheless. Another part of me though, is enormously proud of how well my erotic romances have done so far. People are buying them, by the hundreds, and coming back for more. That makes me happy.

I guess I have to have a little intervention with myself and give myself permission to be out and proud and uncaring about stupid prejudicial attitudes that make me want to feel shame. Eroticism is an integral part of who we are as humans. We need to embrace and celebrate this side of our nature too. Right?

luck or miracle?

It seems that miracles do happen. I just found out my story, Lust and Found, is still in the running at the Swirl Awards. Yippee!

I'm a doofus...

It's official. I'm a doofus. Sigh. And it's all because I failed to check my Paige Bennett email addie every day. The Swirl awards are underway, and I missed the deadline to finalize my entry by two days. TWO DAYS! All I had to do was send in a pdf of my entry, and finalize my personal details. But I missed the reminder email ('cause, remember, I'm a doofus) and so the awards go on without me, and my book Lust and Found.  I'll get a chance to enter again next year, and I will do it, and you can bet, I'll be obsessive about checking that email addie on a daily basis.

Now for some good news. I got my cover art for my story Cheek to Cheek. And it's gorgeous.

Single highschool coach Jared Whitman is horrified when his little sister insists that he take ballroom dance lessons in preparation for her upcoming wedding.  Diandra Davis loves teaching ballroom but it can't fill all the lonely corners of her life. When the two meet the attraction is instantaneous, the heat palpable, but a big misunderstanding threatens to keep them apart. 
It's coming out May 22, from Phaze. http://www.phaze.com/  I hope you'll check it out.